The O.C. Girl’s Notebook

Carrie Lucas

I hate to say I’m leaving you.
I wish to God that I could stay.
Things ain’t right between us.
It’s not the way it used to be.
The love we thought would last forever and a day cannot be.

And sometimes a love goes wrong.
Sometimes the heart can feel it.
Sometimes a love goes wrong
just when you think about it.
Look and love is gone.

Why did the feelings have to change?
Why couldn’t it remain the same?
Where’s the joy and laughter?
And all the things that we once knew?
I know that it’s so hard believing that we’re through, but it’s true.

And sometimes a love goes wrong.
Sometimes the heart can feel it.
Sometimes a love goes wrong
just when you think about it.
Look and love is gone.

When a love is through, there ain’t nothing that you can do.
When love comes along, look around it’s gone.

Angel’s LSS: Sometimes a Love Goes Wrong

Differential Diagnosis: numb

Early in the morning and I felt like breaking into the chorus of Don Mclean’s  American Pie … the  day the music died - that would be today for me.

I
expect very few people to understand, much more sympathize with my
melancholic point of view. Up until today writing was - and has always
been - my only claim to fame. Finding it several months ago had made
tremendously happy.  But after the high comes the crash, and I find
that wounded prides shatter the hardest.

I
realized that I can never really go back. That no matter how hard I try
to keep up, half of me would never be able to meet the demands of the
job nor comply with "industry standards" touted by some. Half, yes just
half, because part of me has taken deep root in the job I’ve held for
the last seven years already.  And  while I may have given my heart
away to journalism the first time I saw my name on print, I have
pledged my loyalty and commitment to what I do now.

A
dear friend and I are ready to admit that now. (right joop?). That
while we pine for the chance to write,  and thrive on the rush of
adrenaline…the long nights, long hours and attention to detail
exacted by the craft takes its toll on even the most ardent of
journalist had-beens. 

Aye, there’s the rub.  That while I may have been a golden child in my time…my time has long passed. 

As the old song goes, I’ve seen it from Both Sides Now
and while it makes me feel wise,  and thankful for having had the
chance to relive that life again, albeit fleetingly — accepting I can
never go back to my glory days as writer  is a day i rue…

And in the streets: the children screamed,
The lovers cried, and the poets dreamed.
But not a word was spoken;
The church bells all were broken.
And the three men I admire most:
The father, son, and the holy ghost,
They caught the last train for the coast
The day the music died.

And they were singing,
"bye-bye, miss american pie."
Drove my chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
And them good old boys were drinkin� whiskey and rye
Singin�, "this’ll be the day that I die.
"this’ll be the day that I die."

it’s just a thought…

been
looking for a song to describe, or at least try to approximate what’s
going on in my life right now. not really in a talking mood, most of
the time i just sit in front of the computer and work til i’m numb or
read til I fall asleep with the lights on.

am
neither sad nor miserable, but i wouldn’t call myself blissfully happy
either… but no, i am not complaining. i have no right to. 

I haven’t ever really found a place that I call home
I never stick around quite long enough to make it
I apologize that once again I’m not in love
But it’s not as if I mind
that your heart ain’t exactly breaking

If my life is for rent and I don’t learn to buy
Well I deserve nothing more than I get
Cos nothing I have is truly mine
Cos nothing I have is truly mine
Cos nothing I have is truly mine
Cos nothing I have is truly mine

Nicholas D’ Agosto 

Fine. So he’s a little young to be in the hunk and hottie league with Patrick Dempsey, but I swear this boy is sooo cute.  He plays West, the "unbreakable" cheerleader’s love interest in the second season of Heroes.

I christened him "Peter Pan" because of his gravity-defying abilities and  because of his refreshingly boyish looks.  He does look like he can never grow old. *kilig*

So yes, I’m back in the blog-o-sphere and joyfully watching my favorite tv series. Upon Cigarette Girl’s prompting, I scrounged for the latest episodes of Grey’s Anatomy and sis, I so totally agree. I want a Mc Dreamy to take home too!

Somehow I think they stopped breeding men that sexy and sensitive to women’s feelings and needs that the writer’s of Grey’s had to create a "dream man" –so there you go, everyone now wants a Mc Dreamy!

Friday and I’m up blogging.  Just a few more minutes til I call it night.  I had a relatively challenging week and I’m thankful for the colleagues and friends who supported me. 

Oh and congratulations to Tita Estela and Grace for passing the IELTS! Cheers!

It’s one of those days when I can’t help but admire the genius of the personal  computer.

If
something’s amiss, there are a hundred and one ways to troubleshoot and
have it running in tip top form. If there’s a bug, run a virus scan; if
it’s slow and outdated, get an upgrade; if something isn’t needed
anymore, delete or uninstall, if it’s stuck or unresponsive, reboot or
reset. Reformat. De-fragment. etc etc.

Moreover,
if you’re lost, there are never-ending tutorials and wizards to help
you step by step. But perhaps the most impressive thing about computers
is that it has a pre-set compatibility configuration. Will run only on
so-and-so system; requires this much speed or memory. And you can’t
force it or trick it into running: NO CAN DO! I AIN’T BUDGING!

In any
standoff between human and computer, it is man who begs and grovels for
some mechanical intervention that will miraculously get the task done.
So much unlike us people who are easily cajoled into giving in, one
time too many until get a system meltdown.

*SIGH* wouldn’t i love to be a white Mac for just a day!

It would
probably feel great not to have my patience stretched and my emotions
bent so far out of shape, just for a while, just for a little of bit
time until the crybaby learns to become a big girl who doesn’t cry.

Nothing.
I’m just rambling. Still mulling on the sentiment  I blogged about
yesterday. Try as I might, I have yet to shake off the feeling of being
a consolation prize  some small-town beauty pageant. (Triggered by the Miss Sweetcorn scene in the recent Smallville episode)

*SIGH* It would be great to have an internal processor  that can actually figure things out for you.

LEX TO KARA: Are you a savior or a warning?

My sentiments exactly.

For those
who did not get to find out about my "sleeping beauty" episode, i am
thankful because  that would mean one sermon less from the queue of
concerned friends and family. Two weeks ago, I fell into deep slumber
and woke up 15 hours after.

Weird. Scary. Alarming.

So I vowed
to take a real day off every so often, starting last weekend. Friday
being a holiday, I got me a Meg Ryan dvd set and spent the day and a
good part of the evening re-running my favorites: Sleepless in Seattle,
IQ, You’ve Got Mail, Kate and Leopold…i never got to watch When Harry
Met Sally from start to finish before, and when i did, I realized why
it is considered a contemporary classic (apart from the fake orgasm scene, of course!).

Main theme:
It’s impossible for a man and a woman to be just friends.  This has
been the subject of one too many discussions between me and my
coworkers, precisely because I have always argued that yes, it is
possible.

Here I am
several years older (yet none the wiser, unfortunately) conceding to
the other side of the house.  Platonic relationships do exist, yes, but
up to what degree is the relationship sincere and fair? Perhaps one is
secretly wishing it wasn’t; or one is taking advantage of knowing that
the other has feelings for him or her, and the possibility of it
leading to something else in the future is dangled like bait. (hence,
waiting in vain would be a good musical score)

My favorite line: I am not your consolation prize, Harry!

Perhaps
it’s due to the movie marathon hang over that I feel exactly like that
today.  Given all that has happened between Thursday and Monday, I do
consider empathizing with a neatly wrapped and ribboned package. 

Yeah, certainly looks like a long, emotionally draining week ahead. Sigh.

Last Friday we did away with denims and flip flops in favor of pearls and stillettos.

On the
occasion of my boss’ 60th birth anniversary, we dressed up to the
nines and put on our brightest smiles at the Palms Country Club in
Alabang.

The Bangles

Six o’clock already
I was just in the middle of a dream
I was kissin’ Valentino
By a crystal blue Italian stream
But I can’t be late
‘Cause then I guess I just won’t get paid
These are the days
When you wish your bed was already made

It’s just another manic Monday
I wish it was Sunday
‘Cause that’s my funday
My I don’t have to runday
It’s just another manic Monday

Have to catch an early train
Got to be to work by nine
And if I had an air-o-plane
I still couldn’t make it on time
‘Cause it takes me so long
Just to figure out what I’m gonna wear
Blame it on the train
But the boss is already there

All of the nights
Why did my lover have to pick last night
To get down
Doesn’t it matter
That I have to feed the both of us
Employment’s down
He tells me in his bedroom voice
C’mon honey, let’s go make some noise
Time it goes so fast
When you’re having fun   

And the prodigal blogger returns! It’s been over a month since my last entry, and I’ve been receiving numerous text messages from friends asking how I am.

Well,
apart from the sporadic dementor attacks, I have been doing great for
the past several weeks. I will defer listing down the number of things
and people who have been keeping me on my toes…but suffice it to say,
I’m happy where I am right now.

My
good friend Kiko has been egging me to return to writing — and I do
admit that I haven’t written anything creative in a very long time. I
don’t want to think that the muse has left me, maybe she just went on a
sabbatical, giving me this much needed time to prioritize my career.

Writing
has also taken the back seat in favor of teaching, Speech Central is
more and more becoming my home– and the staff and students there, my
family. Truth to be told, Leanne and I do treat them like our own, we
instruct them, correct and reprimand them, but also worry about them
kids when they’re not around or whenever they’re anxious about their
exams or their jobs.

Of course
my life still isn’t the bed of tulips I’m praying for. But in the
course of several weeks I would like to think that I have learned to
complain less and be more thankful. Nowadays I try to look for the
silver lining in every storm cloud that passes, no matter how faint it
appears to be.

I still get
anxiety attacks like every other human being…and that’s when I turn
to my friends for comfort and support. There’s always an excuse to meet
for coffee or dinner or turn the scheduled business meeting to a
weekday night in town.

Life is good, even on the most manic of sleep-deprived Mondays.

God Bless ya all! Mwah!

by: Natasha Bedingfield

Incompatible, it don’t matter though
‘cos someone’s bound to hear my cry
Speak out if you do
You’re not easy to find

Is it possible Mr. Loveable
Is already in my life?
Right in front of me
Or maybe you’re in disguise

Who doesn’t long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I’m on my own
If there’s a soulmate for everyone

Here we are again, circles never end
How do I find the perfect fit
There’s enough for everyone
But I’m still waiting in line

Who doesn’t long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I’m on my own
If there’s a soulmate for everyone

If there’s a soulmate for everyone

Most relationships seem so transitory
They’re all good but not the permanent one

Who doesn’t long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I’m on my own
If there’s a soulmate for everyone

Who doesn’t long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I’m on my own
If there’s a soulmate for everyone
If there’s a soulmate for everyone

~First heard this song Wednesday last week. I was in a cab on my way to the Pearl…it was so piercing that it disturbed my fervent prayers for the event’s success.

It’s not a lament, nor a complaint–sounds like a sincere question from someone who’s gone through the revolving door and wants to be still for a change. Hmm, sounds a like lot me. But like i keep telling ate Me-Ann, even if the tulip guy shows up at my doorstep now, I’m just not ready.

On the question of soulmates,  I’ve known two years ago who mine was…and yes, he does know how to love without being told. 

Thank you for telling me again today. Te Amo.

Left to Right…Immigration Lawyer Mehron Azahrmer, Miaw Lee, Senator Carlos Uresti, Berna, the director of Medical Center, Manila, ME! and Globe Health Resources CEO Raul Sanchez

Filed a leave of absence from work on Tuesday and Wednesday to attend to the preparations for this special event–The Allied Medical Professions Career Orientation at the Pearl, Manila.

We had about 1,500 guests composed of students, nurses, dentists, xray technologists, teachers and department heads from all over Manila. It was a show put together for the benefit of our guests from Texas and the board of directors of Globe Health headed by Mr. Sanchez.

During the event, I half-kidded him about his promise to take Berna, Lee Ann and I to the Globe Health Central Office in Texas this December.  Genuinely impressed, I think I didn’t leave him any other choice but to say yes.

Texas, here we come. Heee–hawww!